The Memory of Light by Stork Francisco X

Author:Stork, Francisco X. [Stork, Francisco X.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Young Adult, Contemporary
ISBN: 9780545634021
Goodreads: 28817281
Publisher: Arthur A. Levine Books
Published: 2016-01-26T08:00:00+00:00

When Pepe comes to get us two hours later, the twelve holes have been dug and the posts are solidly in the ground. Tomorrow E.M. and Pepe will string the posts with new barbed wire and remove the old section of the fence. I look at our work with pride one last time as we drive back to the house.

During lunch, Gabriel suggests a trip to the river, but the blue skies turn suddenly dark, and then the rain comes. The river trip is postponed until tomorrow and we spend the rest of the afternoon reading. Mona sits with a romance novel, the cell phone by her side. Every few minutes she checks to see if a text has come in or if she has missed a call, even though the polka ringtone she chose can probably be heard by the horses grazing in the north pasture. Other times she stands up, looks at the deluge outside, and sighs. Whenever I ask if something is wrong, she says she’s fine and then changes the subject.

Seeing her like this, so restless, so unable to be in her skin, makes me think about the conversation I had with E.M. earlier. There is something about the future and hope that is a mystery to me. People say you need hope to live, but hope also makes things worse. Lucy is Mona’s hope. The loss of that hope made her try to take her life. Ever since Rudy told her he could help her find Lucy, here is Mona, miserable, no longer satisfied with her present circumstances, anxious about not getting what she hopes for.

I can’t think of anything to hope for. When I try to think about the future, I run into a dark, thick, impenetrable wall. Am I better off than Mona? I don’t know. What’s better? To hurt from your wants or to be so dead inside that you don’t want anything? I don’t want anything. I don’t even want to die, I suddenly realize — so maybe that’s something.

The next morning, Gabriel and I set about creating a rose garden. The soil in the front of Dr. Desai’s house, where the garden is to go, is not quite as rocky as it was in the north pasture. Gabriel and I work mostly in silence. At one point, as I’m patiently digging around a rock with a hand trowel, I notice him looking at me and smiling.

“What?” I say. “Never seen someone work?”

“You learned a few things from working with E.M. yesterday, didn’t you?”

“I learned not to ask silly questions,” I say, trying not to smile.

That afternoon we finally are able to walk to the river. It’s just Gabriel and me. E.M. decides to go target shooting with Pepe. Mona says she has cramps and wants to lie down, but I think it’s the fear of a lack of a cell phone signal by the river that keeps her from coming with us.

Gabriel is waiting for me on the front porch of his house.

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